Cherish My Daughter

"I want a relaxer"! I've been prepping myself for the possibility of one of my girls coming to me with this request for a long time.  I thought I'd consider their motive from every angle.  I thought I'd be ready. I was wrong. I've recently been in conversation with HmG about this very issue.  You've watched her hair grow and flourish and flourish.  She has ALOT of hair.  I think it intimidates her.  Sometimes it intimidates me!!! She says she believes natural hair is beautiful. She says she likes the look of natural hair more than the look of relaxed hair. She asks me anyway, "Can I relax my hair?" I shout WHY? She says, "Because I just can't see myself spending all that time doing my hair!!!  It's not worth it to me.  I just think a relaxer will be easier."  She finished by saying that the risk of damage to her hair is a risk she's willing to take. I was floored.  I JUST wasn't expecting that to be...

My hair on the day I put in my Braidlocks before the shrinkage set in. I considered making another video, but opted to return to my first love--writing. I've been reflecting on the many responses I've received on my Hot Topic: The Tangle Teezer is Breaking my Hair video. I've been wondering if there's a little more to my success story. There was a time my daughters' hair remained the same length year after year. I thought their hair wasn't growing or had reached terminal length--meaning their hair had grown as long as it could possibly grow. It never occurred to me that their hair was breaking off at the ends as quickly as it was growing in from the roots. Culturally, as people of African descent, we do many things to our hair that's death to our ends. I never set out to retain length. Something changed in me during a completely unrelated experience. I talk about it in detail in my post Her mother needs to do her...

Choosing to stay at home can be difficult for many of us. For those of us who want to pursue a higher degree of education or have already spent years earning a professional degree, it can seem like a waste. Check out the video response I made to Chocolatetresses--a fellow subscriber who posted a video about her struggle with her recent decision to focus her energies at home.

You've been asking how to instill a positive self image in your girls, and one of the most effective tools I've used is flooding them with positive images of black beauty. I try to find stories that celebrate things they experience in their own lives. Why should they feel important if they never see themselves as central figures in books and entertainment? I review the following books: 1. Shante Keys and the New Year's Peas by Gail Piernas-Davenport 2. I love My Hair by Natasha Anastasia Tarpley 3. Honey, I Love by Eloise Greenfield 4. The All-I'll-Ever-Want Christmas Doll by Patricia McKissack 5. Satchel Paige: Don't Look Back by David A. Adler 6. Cornrows by Camille Yarbrough I make mention of the following: 1. Rosa by Nikki Giovanni The focus of this review was on the images, but in the future I will review one book per video and give a summary of the stories with some insight on what I liked, disliked, and where the conversation went with my girls. Che...

I confess that I haven't done the girls' hair over yet, because they are going swimming this weekend. I confess that I may be getting too comfortable with fuzz, and frizz, and almost never think twice about our hair when we leave the house. I confess that I'm glad I can't guarantee the gender of my kids, or I'd only be enjoying one mocha girl right now and I love them all so much. I confess that I don't always feel up to the task and am glad that God doesn't require that I never stumble, but is grooming me to position myself to let him catch me when I fall. I confess that it's not easy teaching my babies lessons I haven't fully learned myself--thank God I'm not doing any of this in my own strength.

Someone FULL of years asked me this in such a mournful way. The following scripture made me think of her: Surely you have things turned around! Shall the potter be esteemed as the clay; For shall the thing made say of him who made it, "He did not make me"? Or shall the thing formed say of him who formed it, "He has no understanding?" Isaiah 29:16

Celebrating my husband for all he is and all he does for our family--especially being our number one nappy support person. Happy Father's Day!

...and the hair will follow. We recently had a really hot day, and as I was helping my four year old tie her scarf to her head I stopped myself. We were both sweaty though she'd just had her bath. What was I doing? "Are you done Mommy?" "You don't have to wear your scarf tonight," I decided and leaned over to give her a kiss and a squeeze. I encourage my girls to tie their heads at night to prevent their sheets from drying out their hair, and to help preserve what moisture I worked hard to put in. I try to make sure they keep their heads covered year round no matter the weather, but on this particular hot night my actions felt ridiculous. My baby was hot. We release much of our body heat from our heads, yet I was covering hers, to preserve her hair---but what about my baby? Mocha Girl Three's hair is important to me, but she's more important than her hair. I know there have been many times in my life I denied myself pleasure, to preserve a hair...

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Our words have power. Sometimes the way we say things conveys a message we never intended to our children about their hair. Consider the following scenarios and leave a comment about what you think. Scenario One A mother sits down on Saturday night after a hectic day to style her daughter's hair for Sunday worship. She plans to do a small corn rowed style, which she hopes will last two weeks. The mother gathers her supplies and calls for the daughter. Within five minutes of their grooming session a struggle begins. "Sit still Baby. Let me grab this section." "Stop! I can't get this part right." "Does that hurt? It's alright Baby. You're going to be so beautiful." "It's not too tight. Don't you want it to be smooth and pretty? You'll see...by tomorrow it won't hurt anymore." "No Baby, if we leave the back out I won't be able to comb it." "Let me finish two more braids and you can go potty...

Keep it simple Sister. Sometimes when we're exposed to so much information about hair care, we think we need to do it all right away. I experienced this after spending a lot of time on the internet researching deep conditioning treatments for my own hair. I found everything from expensive salon grade products, to exotic international concoctions, to do it yourself mixtures made from ingredients from the ordinary kitchen pantry. I got great results using some of these on my hair, and imagined it would work the same way for my daughters. One day I decided to treat us all to a home spa day . We all changed into our bathrobes, and got in line for a special mud treatment. I had used bentonite clay on my hair several weeks previously, and loved the resulting softness and sheen. I imagined we'd have a special time pampering ourselves, and gain gloriously conditioned hair. The girls watched with interest as I grabbed a ceramic bowl while explaining something about the composition...

I've been through a difficult season, but it's taught me a valuable lesson. In February of 2009 I became pregnant with our fifth child. While healthy, the pregnancy was a challenge. I began contracting early and had to radically reduce my activity. This greatly impacted my hair maintenance routine with the girls. Whereas in the past I was constantly changing their styles, I could now only fashion quick styles which were left in longer than ever before. My girls had a new look, and I wasn't sure I liked it. Over time, their hair frizzed dramatically. It looked painfully dry and neglected to me. I felt strong condemnation when a friend offered to take my girls one by one and style their hair for me. I'll love her forever for reaching out in my time of need, but believed it was my personal responsibility to groom my daughters' hair. I imagined I was failing miserably. As I rested and struggled to find foods my body would tolerate to support the pregnancy, I b...

Most of us expect nappy hair to behave like straight hair. We wash our hair like the women in shampoo commercials and marvel when we're left with a mass of tangles. We detangle with small tooth combs, expecting them to slide through without interference. We stretch our nappy hair out, walk into a mist, and huff when it shrinks back up. We purchase one product after another to make it shine, and conclude something's wrong when it doesn't. Our biggest problem is a lack of understanding of what we can expect from nappy hair. Nappy hair is full of tight twists and coils and bends which refract light. As a result, it won't shine in its shrunken state. I saved myself lots of money and frustration when I stopped expecting my daughters' hair to shine like the straight haired models on television. I learned to expect a healthy sheen, and stop assuming my daughters' hair was dry because it wasn't shiny. I learned to test for dryness by rubbing the strands betw...