Cherish My Daughter

"I want a relaxer"! I've been prepping myself for the possibility of one of my girls coming to me with this request for a long time.  I thought I'd consider their motive from every angle.  I thought I'd be ready. I was wrong. I've recently been in conversation with HmG about this very issue.  You've watched her hair grow and flourish and flourish.  She has ALOT of hair.  I think it intimidates her.  Sometimes it intimidates me!!! She says she believes natural hair is beautiful. She says she likes the look of natural hair more than the look of relaxed hair. She asks me anyway, "Can I relax my hair?" I shout WHY? She says, "Because I just can't see myself spending all that time doing my hair!!!  It's not worth it to me.  I just think a relaxer will be easier."  She finished by saying that the risk of damage to her hair is a risk she's willing to take. I was floored.  I JUST wasn't expecting that to be...

I know I usually come here to talk about hair, but my heart is so full right now I can't help but share. I had the most wonderful couple of hours with HMG. She's physically changing before my eyes. More and more I see the little girl fading away and the young woman emerging. She's still my little girl, but every now and then I catch a glimpse of who she's becoming. Sometimes I'm a little intimidated by the new demands her growth process are placing on me. I want to run back to story time and let me kiss that boo-boo for you and make it all better . These days HMG is navigating her way through so many issues, and sometimes when she comes to me I am humbled by the realization that I haven't mastered the situation yet myself. How do I lead her through? Inside I'm quaking. What if I make a mess of things? At times I've been afraid to be alone with her in these tough places. Today I took a leap. I decided I would rather fumble if it means taking ...

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So I had a I just want to scream moment yesterday. I had washed the middle two daughters' hair and instructed HMG to wash her braids for a new round of take down, detangling and styling. I expected it to take all day but was so distressed that it took ALL DAY. My plan was to split the work over two days, but ran out of steam on Thursday after finishing up with MG3. I gave myself a break. After all, I was working after an intense school day and trying to be done in time for a committee meeting. I decided to throw in the towel and work on MG2 and HMG's hair the next day. I seldom schedule a serious take down (HMG's small braids) with a matted detangle (MG2's quick wash without detangling) on the SAME day. The plan was to give them both a corn rowed style, but I found myself struggling to get through detangling MG2's hair. Mocha Baby threw a monkey wrench into the process. She's walking--ALL OVER. She picks up the smallest things and tries to put them in ...

I confess that I haven't done the girls' hair over yet, because they are going swimming this weekend. I confess that I may be getting too comfortable with fuzz, and frizz, and almost never think twice about our hair when we leave the house. I confess that I'm glad I can't guarantee the gender of my kids, or I'd only be enjoying one mocha girl right now and I love them all so much. I confess that I don't always feel up to the task and am glad that God doesn't require that I never stumble, but is grooming me to position myself to let him catch me when I fall. I confess that it's not easy teaching my babies lessons I haven't fully learned myself--thank God I'm not doing any of this in my own strength.

...and the hair will follow. We recently had a really hot day, and as I was helping my four year old tie her scarf to her head I stopped myself. We were both sweaty though she'd just had her bath. What was I doing? "Are you done Mommy?" "You don't have to wear your scarf tonight," I decided and leaned over to give her a kiss and a squeeze. I encourage my girls to tie their heads at night to prevent their sheets from drying out their hair, and to help preserve what moisture I worked hard to put in. I try to make sure they keep their heads covered year round no matter the weather, but on this particular hot night my actions felt ridiculous. My baby was hot. We release much of our body heat from our heads, yet I was covering hers, to preserve her hair---but what about my baby? Mocha Girl Three's hair is important to me, but she's more important than her hair. I know there have been many times in my life I denied myself pleasure, to preserve a hair...

Just because something is natural does NOT automatically mean it's harmless. How many of us have watched actors eat hair products marketed to be safe for our hair because it was safe to eat? Later, we were shocked to hear back reports that people were losing their hair to these same "safe" products. There's a definite science to the way nappy hair behaves. Know what you're putting in your daughter's hair. A good way to investigate before trying something is to research other people's experiences with what you're thinking about using. The internet has made it so easy to track products. Consumers even video tape their experiences and make it available to the public for FREE on You Tube. When a product tempts me, I spend some time seeing what a range of people--with a similar hair type--are saying about the product. I especially scrutinize the negatives. If I'm satisfied, I may try it.

Pictured above is a quick trip we took to see family. We were so care free! Summer time is coming and that means many of us will be taking trips. Whether we're going far away or traveling by car to visit friends and family--nappy hair care can continue to be easy and rewarding for everyone. The trick is to plan well for what you'll be doing. My girls are young and don't give their hair much thought when they are having fun. When I'm away on a trip the last thing I want to do is spend our limited time on long styling sessions. I expect my daughters' hair to become fuzzy quickly and choose styles that perform well over time with fuzz. I love box braids, twists, corn rows and combo variations. For trips that will involve swimming and constant washing, I prefer corn rows and braids which matte less when wet. Pictured below are some styles we've enjoyed in the past. On the beach in Cancun I was really big on beads once, but this many beads can be damaging to ...

Our words have power. Sometimes the way we say things conveys a message we never intended to our children about their hair. Consider the following scenarios and leave a comment about what you think. Scenario One A mother sits down on Saturday night after a hectic day to style her daughter's hair for Sunday worship. She plans to do a small corn rowed style, which she hopes will last two weeks. The mother gathers her supplies and calls for the daughter. Within five minutes of their grooming session a struggle begins. "Sit still Baby. Let me grab this section." "Stop! I can't get this part right." "Does that hurt? It's alright Baby. You're going to be so beautiful." "It's not too tight. Don't you want it to be smooth and pretty? You'll see...by tomorrow it won't hurt anymore." "No Baby, if we leave the back out I won't be able to comb it." "Let me finish two more braids and you can go potty...

Keep it simple Sister. Sometimes when we're exposed to so much information about hair care, we think we need to do it all right away. I experienced this after spending a lot of time on the internet researching deep conditioning treatments for my own hair. I found everything from expensive salon grade products, to exotic international concoctions, to do it yourself mixtures made from ingredients from the ordinary kitchen pantry. I got great results using some of these on my hair, and imagined it would work the same way for my daughters. One day I decided to treat us all to a home spa day . We all changed into our bathrobes, and got in line for a special mud treatment. I had used bentonite clay on my hair several weeks previously, and loved the resulting softness and sheen. I imagined we'd have a special time pampering ourselves, and gain gloriously conditioned hair. The girls watched with interest as I grabbed a ceramic bowl while explaining something about the composition...