Cherish My Daughter

"I want a relaxer"! I've been prepping myself for the possibility of one of my girls coming to me with this request for a long time.  I thought I'd consider their motive from every angle.  I thought I'd be ready. I was wrong. I've recently been in conversation with HmG about this very issue.  You've watched her hair grow and flourish and flourish.  She has ALOT of hair.  I think it intimidates her.  Sometimes it intimidates me!!! She says she believes natural hair is beautiful. She says she likes the look of natural hair more than the look of relaxed hair. She asks me anyway, "Can I relax my hair?" I shout WHY? She says, "Because I just can't see myself spending all that time doing my hair!!!  It's not worth it to me.  I just think a relaxer will be easier."  She finished by saying that the risk of damage to her hair is a risk she's willing to take. I was floored.  I JUST wasn't expecting that to be...

I was honored when Katie contacted me for an interview for her blog, Happy Girl Hair . I'm sure she's no stranger to you all. Slide over there and see ! Thanks Katie!

I know I usually come here to talk about hair, but my heart is so full right now I can't help but share. I had the most wonderful couple of hours with HMG. She's physically changing before my eyes. More and more I see the little girl fading away and the young woman emerging. She's still my little girl, but every now and then I catch a glimpse of who she's becoming. Sometimes I'm a little intimidated by the new demands her growth process are placing on me. I want to run back to story time and let me kiss that boo-boo for you and make it all better . These days HMG is navigating her way through so many issues, and sometimes when she comes to me I am humbled by the realization that I haven't mastered the situation yet myself. How do I lead her through? Inside I'm quaking. What if I make a mess of things? At times I've been afraid to be alone with her in these tough places. Today I took a leap. I decided I would rather fumble if it means taking ...

I confess that I haven't done the girls' hair over yet, because they are going swimming this weekend. I confess that I may be getting too comfortable with fuzz, and frizz, and almost never think twice about our hair when we leave the house. I confess that I'm glad I can't guarantee the gender of my kids, or I'd only be enjoying one mocha girl right now and I love them all so much. I confess that I don't always feel up to the task and am glad that God doesn't require that I never stumble, but is grooming me to position myself to let him catch me when I fall. I confess that it's not easy teaching my babies lessons I haven't fully learned myself--thank God I'm not doing any of this in my own strength.

...and the hair will follow. We recently had a really hot day, and as I was helping my four year old tie her scarf to her head I stopped myself. We were both sweaty though she'd just had her bath. What was I doing? "Are you done Mommy?" "You don't have to wear your scarf tonight," I decided and leaned over to give her a kiss and a squeeze. I encourage my girls to tie their heads at night to prevent their sheets from drying out their hair, and to help preserve what moisture I worked hard to put in. I try to make sure they keep their heads covered year round no matter the weather, but on this particular hot night my actions felt ridiculous. My baby was hot. We release much of our body heat from our heads, yet I was covering hers, to preserve her hair---but what about my baby? Mocha Girl Three's hair is important to me, but she's more important than her hair. I know there have been many times in my life I denied myself pleasure, to preserve a hair...

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Just because something is natural does NOT automatically mean it's harmless. How many of us have watched actors eat hair products marketed to be safe for our hair because it was safe to eat? Later, we were shocked to hear back reports that people were losing their hair to these same "safe" products. There's a definite science to the way nappy hair behaves. Know what you're putting in your daughter's hair. A good way to investigate before trying something is to research other people's experiences with what you're thinking about using. The internet has made it so easy to track products. Consumers even video tape their experiences and make it available to the public for FREE on You Tube. When a product tempts me, I spend some time seeing what a range of people--with a similar hair type--are saying about the product. I especially scrutinize the negatives. If I'm satisfied, I may try it.

I've been through a difficult season, but it's taught me a valuable lesson. In February of 2009 I became pregnant with our fifth child. While healthy, the pregnancy was a challenge. I began contracting early and had to radically reduce my activity. This greatly impacted my hair maintenance routine with the girls. Whereas in the past I was constantly changing their styles, I could now only fashion quick styles which were left in longer than ever before. My girls had a new look, and I wasn't sure I liked it. Over time, their hair frizzed dramatically. It looked painfully dry and neglected to me. I felt strong condemnation when a friend offered to take my girls one by one and style their hair for me. I'll love her forever for reaching out in my time of need, but believed it was my personal responsibility to groom my daughters' hair. I imagined I was failing miserably. As I rested and struggled to find foods my body would tolerate to support the pregnancy, I b...

Most of us expect nappy hair to behave like straight hair. We wash our hair like the women in shampoo commercials and marvel when we're left with a mass of tangles. We detangle with small tooth combs, expecting them to slide through without interference. We stretch our nappy hair out, walk into a mist, and huff when it shrinks back up. We purchase one product after another to make it shine, and conclude something's wrong when it doesn't. Our biggest problem is a lack of understanding of what we can expect from nappy hair. Nappy hair is full of tight twists and coils and bends which refract light. As a result, it won't shine in its shrunken state. I saved myself lots of money and frustration when I stopped expecting my daughters' hair to shine like the straight haired models on television. I learned to expect a healthy sheen, and stop assuming my daughters' hair was dry because it wasn't shiny. I learned to test for dryness by rubbing the strands betw...

I really struggled when trying to find a term to use when describing my daughters' hair to the masses. Words are so powerful, and evoke such strong responses from people. The word nappy has a history of being used negatively. Many people are offended to have their hair identified as nappy. In deference to these feelings, I thought about using kinky , coily , or natural when referencing our hair but these terms mean different things to different people. The term nappy , however, evokes a clear and consistent image. My message is that nothing is wrong with this image. We can learn to care for and appreciate it as much as any other texture. Our struggles largely result from ignoring the unique needs of nappy hair. When our poor methods fail, we blame it on the hair. For the purpose of our discussion, I define nappy as the unique hair texture of tightly shrinking coils, curls, and zig zags typically seen on people of African descent. In fully embracing it, I respect it's un...