Passing on the vision for natural hair

"I want a relaxer"!

I've been prepping myself for the possibility of one of my girls coming to me with this request for a long time. I thought I'd consider their motive from every angle. I thought I'd be ready.

I was wrong.

I've recently been in conversation with HmG about this very issue. You've watched her hair grow and flourish and flourish. She has ALOT of hair. I think it intimidates her. Sometimes it intimidates me!!!

She says she believes natural hair is beautiful.

She says she likes the look of natural hair more than the look of relaxed hair.

She asks me anyway, "Can I relax my hair?"

I shout WHY?

She says, "Because I just can't see myself spending all that time doing my hair!!! It's not worth it to me. I just think a relaxer will be easier." She finished by saying that the risk of damage to her hair is a risk she's willing to take.

I was floored. I JUST wasn't expecting that to be the reason.

I've spent several weeks reflecting on how HmG is feeling. It has been a lot of work for me managing 5 natural heads of hair but at the end of the day, there are many aspects of grooming I genuinely enjoy. It never occurred to me that a daughter of mine could possibly have no interest in working with hair.

I was disappointed. I'm being honest. I was also honest with HmG and she had no trouble directing me back to my own videos and my own words about letting her spread her wings with my full support.

I've given her my answer.

When HmG is financially able to afford the maintenance of a relaxer, and can take herself to her appointments, I won't stop her.

It's HER journey.

I've given her the best of what I know and must have faith that her journey will be just as meaningful as mine. My resolve has come from the mistakes I've made, I'm realizing my daughters may not choose to learn from my mistakes. They may need proof for themselves.

In the end, I believe HmG will exceed my expectations, no matter what.

Train children in the way they should go; when they grow old, they won’t depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

Please leave that baby's hair alone!

I'll never forget the first time I saw Mocha Girl One (HmG) . She was an emergency c-section, and had to spend several days in NICU. She was born four days past her estimated due date and looked huge in her incubator. I imagined her to be especially delicate and feminine. I couldn't wait to frill her up, and more importantly to do her hair ! The only reason she wasn't sporting a barrette the day we took her home from the hospital, was because the one I brought to match her lacey outfit, slid right out. Mocha Girl One's baby hair was silky straight and fine. As the weeks rolled by, it became wavier until she had a lovely curly fro. I washed it all the time . I brushed it several times a day . I tried snap clips, and moved to velcro barrets when the clips slid out. I bought a different head band for every outfit. Meanwhile her curls continued to wind tighter and tighter. I kept everything in a pretty box, dubbed the hair bin . I was really frustrated at not b

Weight Loss Journey | Holiday Weight Gain

Hey Mocha Family, I can't believe I am packing twenty extra pounds! I guess weight management comes to everyone sooner or later. Can I smirk at the younger me who didn't own a scale and could eat whatever she wanted? Here is what I am doing to kick off my weight loss journey. I don't expect to lose twenty pounds in twenty one days. Instead I hope to break some really bad habits and restart my body for the New Year. With more than a decade of experience fasting like this, I know this works well for me. Be blessed!

Trader Joe's Castille Soap Discontinued!

There's some controversy about the use of castille soap as a shampoo. For example, popular YouTuber Kim , of KimmayTube tested the ph of Bronner's Castille Soap and found it to be much higher than the recommended range for hair (between 4 and 5). You can watch her explain her findings. She also did an informative series fraught with good visuals on understanding the effects of ph on hair. That said, I've been using diluted castille soap successfully for YEARS, but I've never tried Bronner's Castille Soap. I had a bottle of Trader Joe's Castille Soap . Turns out Trader Joe's formula includes Aloe Vera --which has an acidic ph---probably bringing down the overall ph of the product--perhaps balancing it for hair. The manufacturer recommends it's use as a shampoo right on the bottle's label. I did not get a chance to personally test the ph of my bottle, because by the time I noticed Aloe as an ingredient of my castille soap, the bottle was empty

MummyJuly 17, 2012 at 5:28 PM
"Because I just can't see myself spending all that time doing my hair!!! It's not worth it to me."

Natacha, I can relate to HMG!

When I started my natural hair journey a few years ago (for the 2nd time) I researched online. I read the blogs & watched the videos talking about all the intense TLC that natural hair requires, and I did learn a lot from them.

I bought the spray bottles, the satin bonnets and the Denman brushes. I was very gentle with these "fragile" strands I kept hearing about. I tried to be mindful of the need to retain moisture, to use water-based products, to seal the hair, to apply the water-based and oil-based products in the correct order (less I seal the hair first and then try to add moisture!!)

I did twist ins and twist outs until I was ready to scream and shout!!

While I didn't spend the endless hours that I saw demonstrated on many a YouTube video, still my hair had become a major time investment. And in this humid climate, with my hair that frizzes super easy, no style lasted very long.

For me, reverting to relaxers was not an option, but time wise I had to find an alternative. I felt like my hair was a baby that needed close supervision and constant care. In that regard, yes, having relaxed hair used to be easier (though on other levels, it had its own difficulties and deep rooted implications.)

One of the reasons I went natural was to truly enjoy and embrace my natural hair, not become its nursemaid. Locs may have been an option, but I've had locs before and came to the conclusion that I enjoy my hair loose. Braids are not an option for the same reason. I enjoy my hair length, so cutting it was not the answer for me.

I had to find a solution. And I have (the details of which would be another post.) Not that I don't need to care my hair and be aware of what it needs. In fact, for anyone now learning to care for natural hair or trying to nurse damaged hair back to health, I would offer them the same regimen I used to use, and still use to some extent.

But all of that to say, I relate to HMG's response. And it was that desire for a simpler, more enjoyable path to hair care that led me to find a regimen that worked for both me AND my hair!

I really think that natural hair care might not be as detailed and intense as it's made out to be ... at least for me.

Thanks for sharing. You're such an awesome mom and I learn so much from you.
I am a Mocha MomJuly 19, 2012 at 5:38 PM
Thank you so much for sharing this. HmG is now saying she realizes she doesn't want a relaxer--just something she can manage. I am encouraging her that she will find something but she has to do the work of figuring it out. She really appreciates someone understanding how she feels. I am so glad you posted this.

Cherish My Daughter

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