Cherish My Daughter

"I want a relaxer"! I've been prepping myself for the possibility of one of my girls coming to me with this request for a long time.  I thought I'd consider their motive from every angle.  I thought I'd be ready. I was wrong. I've recently been in conversation with HmG about this very issue.  You've watched her hair grow and flourish and flourish.  She has ALOT of hair.  I think it intimidates her.  Sometimes it intimidates me!!! She says she believes natural hair is beautiful. She says she likes the look of natural hair more than the look of relaxed hair. She asks me anyway, "Can I relax my hair?" I shout WHY? She says, "Because I just can't see myself spending all that time doing my hair!!!  It's not worth it to me.  I just think a relaxer will be easier."  She finished by saying that the risk of damage to her hair is a risk she's willing to take. I was floored.  I JUST wasn't expecting that to be...

I have a right to remain tightly coiled up. Any method you use to fight my natural design can and will be used against you when it comes to length retention. I have a right to rise up instead of laying down. If I'm not allowed to rise up, any fluctuation in the level of humidity where I am will help me to rise up. I can exercise these rights at any time and stay the same frizzy length year after year. If what you've always known to do hasn't been working for you, why not try something different?

Many of you have requested a video so I'm doing one, but you should know that I'm NOT giving credit to any particular product for the success I've had with the girls' hair. I think we fall prey so much to false marketing and many of us will buy anything that promises to increase growth or eliminate dryness. I've had a cabinet full of products in the past that did absolutely NOTHING toward fixing the problems I was experiencing with my girls' hair. Their hair remained the same length year after year and was very dry and brittle. I had to change my expectations, my methods and be committed to just letting their hair do what it was designed to do. This can be very hard, especially when many cultures use the straight aesthetic to measure beauty. In my experience, trying to keep vibrant nappy hair smooth and perfectly coifed at all times is a recipe for dryness which often leads to breakage. People who know me in real life can testify that I am at home with A LO...

I can't believe I did this video, but I really appreciate Hubby's willingness to participate. Is that giggly girl really me and after 17 years? LOL! Here it is!

This is an old one--1997! I was watching it with my daughter the other day and had a completely different reaction from when I watched it as my much younger self when it aired on TV. I remember spending the first twenty minutes of the movie arguing with the multi-racial cast and refusing to accept a world where race is completely ignored. My hair wasn't natural and I didn't even notice the celebration of the diversity of our choice of styles as women of African descent. I was delighted to discover this movie all over again. There are some things I would change about the movie, but I think if a mother is determined to share the Cinderella story with her daughter, this is a unique one to offer. All my girls especially enjoyed the music. Check out my video review for more detail on my thoughts and concerns.

We spend so much time trying to pull negative things out of our kids, but how much time do we really spend purposefully offering them a desirable alternative. When it comes to promoting a healthy self image in our daughters (and sons), I'm learning that I really need to be proactive. I need to present to my children the norm I want them to have. If you're reading this blog, I'm probably preaching to the choir --clearly YOU read-- but we really need to be reading to our kids. Some of us are juggling so much and I know it can be hard even to find a moment to breathe, but we must read to our children. I believe it is a highly effective tool to foster rich discussion about a plethora of issues. I always marvel at how much my kids are drawn to images. Are you sick of listening to them watch their favorite video over and over yet? If we give them the opportunity, kids will do the same with books they love. I often find mine staring and thinking. What if the image they are...

I received a question on the fanpage too long to answer in that tiny box we get. I've decided to start an ASK Mocha Mom feature to this blog. I'll still answer your questions in the comments, but if I don't have a blog post I can refer you to, or my answer is too involved I'll answer you like this so we can all benefit from the discussion. Here's Pam's question: CMD, how does the texture of hair change with the change of seasons? We are going into warmer months and I was wondering what does that mean in relationship to my daughter's hair? Good question Pam! Her texture won't change but her hair will certainly behave differently if the climate where you live changes in the summer. The primary factors are heat and moisture. Hair is dead, but you'd think it's alive because of the way it reacts to water. I'm sure you've noticed that when you wet your daughter's hair, it probably stretches out a little because of the weight of t...

My hair on the day I put in my Braidlocks before the shrinkage set in. I considered making another video, but opted to return to my first love--writing. I've been reflecting on the many responses I've received on my Hot Topic: The Tangle Teezer is Breaking my Hair video. I've been wondering if there's a little more to my success story. There was a time my daughters' hair remained the same length year after year. I thought their hair wasn't growing or had reached terminal length--meaning their hair had grown as long as it could possibly grow. It never occurred to me that their hair was breaking off at the ends as quickly as it was growing in from the roots. Culturally, as people of African descent, we do many things to our hair that's death to our ends. I never set out to retain length. Something changed in me during a completely unrelated experience. I talk about it in detail in my post Her mother needs to do her...

Why should my stance on my hair make you feel bad about your stance on yours? I dish about it here .

And you know what? I don't blame her! Come see why here .

You've been asking how to instill a positive self image in your girls, and one of the most effective tools I've used is flooding them with positive images of black beauty. I try to find stories that celebrate things they experience in their own lives. Why should they feel important if they never see themselves as central figures in books and entertainment? I review the following books: 1. Shante Keys and the New Year's Peas by Gail Piernas-Davenport 2. I love My Hair by Natasha Anastasia Tarpley 3. Honey, I Love by Eloise Greenfield 4. The All-I'll-Ever-Want Christmas Doll by Patricia McKissack 5. Satchel Paige: Don't Look Back by David A. Adler 6. Cornrows by Camille Yarbrough I make mention of the following: 1. Rosa by Nikki Giovanni The focus of this review was on the images, but in the future I will review one book per video and give a summary of the stories with some insight on what I liked, disliked, and where the conversation went with my girls. Che...

I was honored when Katie contacted me for an interview for her blog, Happy Girl Hair . I'm sure she's no stranger to you all. Slide over there and see ! Thanks Katie!

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So I had a I just want to scream moment yesterday. I had washed the middle two daughters' hair and instructed HMG to wash her braids for a new round of take down, detangling and styling. I expected it to take all day but was so distressed that it took ALL DAY. My plan was to split the work over two days, but ran out of steam on Thursday after finishing up with MG3. I gave myself a break. After all, I was working after an intense school day and trying to be done in time for a committee meeting. I decided to throw in the towel and work on MG2 and HMG's hair the next day. I seldom schedule a serious take down (HMG's small braids) with a matted detangle (MG2's quick wash without detangling) on the SAME day. The plan was to give them both a corn rowed style, but I found myself struggling to get through detangling MG2's hair. Mocha Baby threw a monkey wrench into the process. She's walking--ALL OVER. She picks up the smallest things and tries to put them in ...

Someone FULL of years asked me this in such a mournful way. The following scripture made me think of her: Surely you have things turned around! Shall the potter be esteemed as the clay; For shall the thing made say of him who made it, "He did not make me"? Or shall the thing formed say of him who formed it, "He has no understanding?" Isaiah 29:16

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