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What if my girls grow up and relax their hair?

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  1. Hi! My name is Jodi, and I have been following your blog for a couple of weeks now. I have a 6 yr old adopted daughter (african american), and I have so many hair questions for you!! Would you be willing to email me? Thanks!


  2. Hi Jodi!
    Why not post your questions here? You'd be surprised at how many people have similar questions and can benefit from the answers along with you. Also, others may chime in to offer a broader solution!

  3. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." I loved your video, your perspective, and the privilege of hearing you "think out loud" with such grace and conviction. Beautiful.

  4. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I didn't know how to really take care of my daughter's hair (and my two sons for that matter) until I found your blog! I only found your blog a few weeks ago, but I read it all the way back to the beginning. In the past two weeks I have watched my daughter's (and my sons') hair take on new life and new health! And other people have noticed how much healthier and happier my children's hair looks and feels as well:)

    My questions for you are: 1. Have you seen Chris Rock's movie on hair? and if so, what did you think about it? 2. What do you think about boys growing out their hair (my 5 year old son wants to grow his hair long enough to cornrow it and I cant bring myself to cut my 3 year old son's hair as he looks so cute with his hair all "out and up" as you say:)? I guess my question about boys growing out their hair is really, is it acceptable for black boys/men to do so? Or is it not so accepted, or does it give a certain image in todays society?

    Thank you too for making your relationship with God so evident in all areas of your life:) I love it that I can have my daughter watch your videos and hear (from somebody else besides myself) that God created her hair for a reason and that it is good and beautiful!

    With Sincere Gratitude,

  5. Well, one thing I am having trouble with is the fact that 2 years ago I put yarn braid extensions in her hair and we haven't done any styles without them! I redo them every 3-4 months with a week break in between (usually 2 puffs for that week). Now, I can't get her to let me do anything else with her hair! She thinks it's only "pretty" when the yarn is in. I have never alluded to that, but I know she gets it from others. We live in a very "white" town, and there are very few black I know that is why she doesn't like her hair as it is naturally. I am really wanting to start cornrowing it again, but I also don't want her to feel self-conscious. Any advice?

  6. Thanks Dr. D--love that scripture too!

    @Jodi Thank you! I have NOT seen Chris Rock's movie but have heard a lot about it. I'm sure I'll eventually get to see it for myself. I'm happy out the conversation it's stimulating. I think we need to talk openly about this stuff--we're all thinking something and sometimes it affects the way we treat each other.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with boys having longer hair, braids, locs, fros. I love to dig my fingers into my son's hair but he wants his hair left alone. He prefers a low cut. I'd grow his hair out and corn row it if he wanted. I'd be responsible for 6 heads--LOL!

    People do have negative opinions about it. It wouldn't stop me, but I'd pray for wisdom. If the expectations are up front I can make an informed choice.

  7. @Jodi--Make sure your daughter knows that you hear her and understand what she's going through. Keep telling her she's beautiful with her natural hair. Head Mocha Girl is just getting out of the stage where she feels she wants to fit in. She can better appreciate her uniqueness, but it has come with maturity. Sometimes I felt like she wasn't listening to me, but I just kept it up like a broken record.

    I don't think continuing the yarn braids are bad. I'd keep the length as close to her natural length as possible. I'd encourage her to spice up her styles with fun accessories like flowers, head bands, beads, barrettes, CURLS! I just picked up a big pack of pipe cleaners for my girls. We are going to watch some YouTube tutorials on pipe cleaner curls and let them have at it.

    Show your daughter pictures of people that look like her--books, magazines, movies, videos on YouTube--there's a huge natural population on YouTube. It's hard to feel beautiful when nobody around looks like you. Girls tend to copy each other--she certainly can't make her hair do what her peers can. It can be discouraging. I think validating these struggles will make your daughter feel understood. Different doesn't mean bad--but it may take your daughter a little time to appreciate that fact. Keep filling her ears, eyes and heart with the good stuff. It will take root.

  8. I meant to address that first message concerning Chris Rock to Beki--sorry!

  9. Thank you so much for your insight! I love the yarn braids because she is able to put it in ponytails and pigtails by herself...that seems to be a huge thing for her. But I dislike them because they are *not* her natural hair. I want her to love her hair...not the braids. Make sense? Anyway...we have been talking about doing other styles and she is starting to open up to trying something different. So we shall see. She loves looking at the pictures on your blog. Thank you so much for this resource!!


  10. I am so happy we meant! Since that day I have followed all you advice. I can see significant diferences in my twins hair texture and length. I cannot wait for you to see the twins hair.

    AKA Dawn

  11. I really appreciated this video - I've often wondered what my feelings would be if my daughter relaxed her hair someday...this has helped me prepare my viewpoint. I really appreciated the verse you attached to it as well.


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