Friday, October 14, 2011

Everybody has Good hair and Bad Hair....

...wait. Let me explain!

I've considered my hair to be bad when it wouldn't do what I wanted it to do. Maybe it wouldn't hang, was difficult to style or detangle. Maybe it wasn't long enough for a special updo. Maybe it wasn't thick enough--I love big hair. Maybe I imagined other people looking at me and wondering when I was planning to do
something with that hair of mine.

Once I thought this experience had everything to do with my texture, but now that I've embraced my texture I realize that bad hair days come with having hair. It's inevitable that one day my hair won't cooperate with my expectations and I just can't take myself too seriously. It's the same thing with my girls.

In a perfect world I would be consistent with washing their hair right when I know it's time, but in my world the unexpected is expected. I find myself having to sit with the knowledge that it should be done but couldn't be done. It always turns out OK anyway. It's the same with styling.

I've embraced the fuzz, but a special occasion is still not the time I want to practice acknowledging that nappy hair is fuzzy and celebrate the benefits of letting it do what it does. There's still a part of me that is concerned that
Aunt MeansWell may pull me aside and chide me for not taking the time to groom my girls properly before taking them out of the house. As difficult as it is, I have come to appreciate the times I've had no choice but to sit with the discomfort, because life happens and we can't always control everything.

If maintenance and grooming means I'm ripping through my girls hair and snarling at everybody...maybe it's time to stop and just throw my hands up. I've done it, but my goal is to do it less. In a perfect world--never again.

So whatever the circumstance, we can go anywhere with our heads held up. Nobody is perfect and it's guaranteed that the person who is invading your space with their unwanted opinion has been where you are OR will be.


  1. I really appreciate this. As a CC adoptive mom to a beautiful little black girl, I take the responsibility of caring for her hair VERY seriously. Sometimes too seriously. I do want her hair to look cared for because I want others (esp in the black community) to know that I love her enough to learn how to do her hair. I don't want her hair to be a confirmation that transracial adoptions shouldn't happen (IF they happen to have that mindset) But, I have come to realize that even black moms have days when their kiddos hair isn't perfect... and my child doesn't need to be the poster child for transracial adoption. I too have done that panic, race through hair time and frustrated... not so much anymore. It's a relief to come to that place! Thanks for reminding me of this. You are an inspiration.

  2. Wow Denise thats great!

    Natasha, I just love that post riight there... xoxoxoxx

    Since I sincerely accepted my hair, I rarely have bad hair days... actually never! I just have days when my hair dont behave the way I want, and thats all right! :)

  3. This is so true. I am learning to accept that life happens and if we don't get to the hair today, it will wait- I am ok with spraying her hair with water and continuing on our day. I definately feel that pressure when we're out and about at the store, but my mothering is not measured by how well-tended my daughter's hair is/looks. I am so happy with the progress I am making with my daughter, learning how to do her hair (and mine too). Thank you for your transparancy and advise on hair, it is so encouraging.